Things you should know before taking on an Au Pair

Is it for me?

An Au Pair doesn't suit every family and it's important to consider the following points before deciding to take an au pair on. In most cases, the key to success is making sure your Au Pair is happy - if they are happy, you will be happy !

What exactly is the Au Pair program?

The term Au Pair comes from the French expression "on par" which implies that an Au Pair should be treated as an equal.

The exact definition is a young foreigner who lives with and becomes part of a family, in their own room, has full board and pocket money - in return they help look after children and do some light principally child-related housework. Their aim is to learn English and they will attend language lessons.

A new member of the family !

The Au Pair expects to become part of your family - this includes eating with you some or most evenings, joining in on some of the family outings and activities, watching tv with you at night. It is not an employer-employee relationship.

This doesn't mean she is going to live in your pocket - after a few weeks, the Au Pairs tend to make friends and go out more - but they may need encouragement to do so at first.

Hosting an Au Pair is a cultural exchange and not an employment contract.

The difference between an Au Pair and a Nanny

An Au Pair is not a trained childcarer - they are young adults with some experience with children through babysitting or working on summer camps etc - they don't tend to have any formal qualifications.

Their role is to look after children aged 3 and up for up to 5/6 hours a day. They can help look after children under 3, but must not have sole charge for longer than an hour or so.

The Au Pair will need guidance and training on arrival in your home - it make take them several weeks to adapt and learn how you want things done. You need to make sure you are 100% happy with the Au Pair before leaving them at home with the children on their own.

Remember - an Au Pair will not be as experienced or professional as a nanny - they are paid less for a reason!

How does the housework bit work?

An Au Pair is expecting to do some light housework - mainly related to the children. This could include tidying the children's rooms, preparing their dinner, doing their washing, changing their beds etc. They can also help with the evening meal, clean the main bathroom, wipe the kitchen down etc. They are of course responsible for cleaning their own room, doing their washing etc.

- Where the Au Pair is doing more than 10h housework a week and more housework/errands
  than childcare.
- Where the Au Pair is the only one doing any housework - they should help, not be responsible for
  all of it.
- Where the family doesn't do housework when the Au Pair is off, expecting them to do it on their return.

Remember - an Au Pair will not be as efficient or as thorough as a professional cleaner - it may be the first time that an Au Pair has done any housework, or they haven't done very much before, so they will need guidance and training and may not have great initiative yet.

Attracting the Top Quality Candidates

- The best candidates include university graduates, with childcare qualifications and/or extensive
  experience, good English and clear objectives of what they want to get out of this experience.
- These candidates will avoid positions where the housework goes over 7/8 hours per week, where they
  have to speak French to the children more than a few hours per week, where they are required to
  babysit every weekend.

Any good at giving Emotional Support and Encouragement?

Whilst the last thing you need is an extra child at home, even the best au pairs need some emotional support and encouragement.

They were very recently, or still are, teenagers so it goes without saying that they will occasionally (some more often than others!) need a shoulder to cry on if they are homesick or missing their boyfriend.

They may also need encouragement with their English and need to know you are happy with their work.

They are coming to learn English

The main motivation of nearly all Au Pairs is to learn English - they aim to reach an advanced level so will take every opportunity to improve through language school, conversing with the family, watching tv etc.

You will need to be patient with them in the early days, they generally improve quickly but need encouragement to attend school, it's good to try to correct their mistakes and to help them improve, write important things down and ask them to explain it back to you to ensure they have understood - they have been know to answer "yes" to every question when in fact they haven't understood a word!

Some families like the Au Pair to speak French to the children - this is generally not a problem if it's limited, for example to an hour a day, any more than that and the Au Pair may feel like they're not progressing and lose motivation and probably leave early.

The top quality candidates tend to avoid positions where they are required to speak French, unless very limited, as they feel it will slow down their progress in English.

Sometimes it doesn't work out

The honest reality is that, whilst lots of effort is put into making a placement work by the family, the Au Pair and the agency, a successful placement requires total strangers to live together in harmony...and sometimes things don't work out - in some cases the problems could have been avoided.

In the majority of cases the placements are successful - particularly where the family follows the guidelines and treats the Au Pair well - a significant percentage of our customers have successful Au Pairs year after year. However, a placement can breakdown for a wide variety of reasons :

Problems linked to the placement :

- There might be compatibility issues between the au pair and the parents and/or the children.
- The Au Pair feels more like an employee than a family member.
- The Au Pair is doing too much / all of the housework.
- The Au Pair finds it hard to gain respect from the children and is not backed up by the parents.
- They are not progressing in English enough due to speaking French too much.
- You decide that the Au Pair is not right for your family or that having an Au Pair is not the right solution
- The Au Pair decides it's not the right thing for her.

External Factors :

- The Au Pairs are young, their plans change - they might be offered a place on a course, or a job
  that they weren't expecting.
- Sadly, there are always a few cases each year where the Au Pair has serious family problems and has
  to return home.

It is important to always bear in mind that a placement can end at any moment, for any reason - whilst the Au Pairs agree to give two weeks notice, there have been occasions where they haven't respected this, although this is very rare.

It's essential to keep an eye on the phone bill regularly to avoid a nasty surprise once the Au Pair has left, avoid lending them money or paying up front for a language course of gym membership, car insurance you can't cancel etc.

It is worth remembering this when choosing your service - Pay As You Go or Pay in One Go - the latter tends to suit experienced host families better.